Spanner Interlude 11: The Gun Is Your Penis, Go Forth and Kill

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Chaos Angel Spanner
Interlude 11: The Gun Is Your Penis, Go Forth and Kill

The band: The Memetic Terrorists (lineup and whereabouts unknown)

The vocal style: a cross between Nivek Ogre and Mark E. Smith, with hints of the distinctive snarl of Ric Thomas

The instruments: sampler, ominous synthesizer, punk and metal guitars, screaming lead guitars duelling like Yngwie Malmsteen and Adrian Belew on bad drugs and backwards, various found objects, who knows what else

The percussion:

• bomb explosion with breaking glass
• pistol shot with Western-movie ricochet
• AR-15, full automatic
• and drum-kit cymbals (in at least the General MIDI set).

The beat (unless otherwise specified):

boom boom BANG
boom boom boom-BANG
boom boom BANG
boom-boom boom-boom RATATATAT

In a world ruled by macho terrorists,
female beauty is the deadliest weapon.
Charlie Richter-Thomas
(explaining her switch from Punk to Stylism)

(intro)

OPENING BEAT: boom... boom boom x8

ZARDOZ:
The gun is good.
The penis is evil.

[Panic in the mall: crowds of people run screaming as heavily armed burly men in camo burst in and march up. They march up with scornful expressions: they are Men, and mere civilians are not.]

[Measure 7: they begin shooting]

RATATATAT

[Measure 8: full-screen shot of a Bushmaster Man Card; zoom into the words “Man Card”]

ANNOUNCER (voice-over):
Get your Man Card here!

(verse 1)
[Montage of overmuscled Hollywood action heroes sweatily firing huge machine guns]

Macho man with fever dreams
Of Kalashnikov and AR-15
Gratuitous death by bullet spam
Call yourself a real man

ANNOUNCER:
Man Card!

[Montage of Nazis marching and white-sheeted Klansmen on a lynching and burning spree]
GUITAR CHORDS: E5 F5

The world is out to get you
Jews and gays and women too
Terrorists under every bush
Are after you and only you

(interlude)
BEAT: boom boom boom boom
boom boom boom RATATATAT

[Part 1: Occupy protest rally silenced by...]

[Part 2: panic of screaming schoolchildren silenced by...]

(verse 2)
[The most sensationally violent TV news clips of the the Conservative Revolution]

Mad delusions of revolution
Revelations of the TV screen
They’re the problem, you’re the solution
Trigger finger set you free

ANNOUNCER:
Man up, America!

[Scenes from 9/11 intercut with World War II movie firing squads]

There’s a man, shoot the problem
No more people, problem dead
Islam screaming for your blood
Shoot their voices out of your head

(midtro [sic])
BEAT: boom boom boom boom

ZARDOZ:
Go forth and kill.

(interlude)
[Part 1: a political rally silenced by...]
RATATATAT

ZARDOZ:
The penis is evil.

[Part 2: a crowd of screaming women silenced by...]
RATATATAT

ZARDOZ:
The gun is good.

(verse 3)
[Video of Will Becket drinking Osama bin Laden’s blood straight from his throat, punctuated by clips of shooting from a Patriot Arcology]

Forever war, last one standing
Antisocial righteousness
Buy more guns and build your fortress
Arsenal of manliness

ANNOUNCER:
Be a Man!

[Action movie stars firing massive machine guns intercut with Al-Jazeera footage of carnage and wailing survivors from the Syrian and Pakistani civil wars]

CommuNazis rape your ego
Everything is self-defense
Kill your way unto Valhalla
Liberation at their expense

(outro)
[all sounds slow down like a dying tape machine to the chaotic arrhythmic accompaniment of explosions, battle sounds, and screaming police sirens]

ZARDOZ:
The gun is | your | penis
Go forth and kill.

(ending — no accompaniment)
[The Bushmaster Man Card, full screen; zoom into the AR-15]

ANNOUNCER:
Are you Man enough?

RATATATAT

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Copyright © 2013 Dennis Jernberg. Some rights reserved.

[Revision 4 Final, 2/25/13: all new material. Alternate version written as a song for February Album Writing Month.]