Spanner 23.1: Welcome to My Revolution

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Chaos Angel Spanner — Chapter 23: Black Panic in the Suites
Part 1: Welcome to My Revolution (Final Revision)

When the government fears the people,
there is liberty.
When the people fear the government,
there is tyranny.
Thomas Jefferson

The People! [spits]
The People is the Great Beast!
Alexander Hamilton

4 november 2014.

The vision begins unambiguously. Crowds of protesters gather throughout the Metropolitan City of Seattle. COPCO strike and robot agents attack them with tear gas, Tasers, and electric whips. Then a man on a motorcycle in a black helmet passes by and throws a Molotov cocktail straight at the dreamer(s)—

—time contracts expands warps, events happen and don’t happen simultaneously, buildings dance jitterbugs, cats rape dog—

copco seattle. Doctor 42, Karl Radisson, Diana Shockley, and an injured Locke Holmes look on grimly as five precogs are brought out of the laboratory dead, rigid in grotesque twisted positions of horror as if plastinated. Jack Becket screams at Doctor 42, “Bryce, you idiot! I told you Spanner is already here! You didn’t have to bring your damn precogs right in the middle of a reality storm!”

Doctor 42 shouts back, “We can read any man’s fate, even Spanner’s!”

“Three words: reality distortion field! Spanner’s immune to fate!”

That last word seems to summon his father’s call like an evil spirit. The Party Chairman appears on screen in full superhero costume. “John.”

“Yes, father.”

“I am coming. You are dismissed.”

“What? But father—”

“Brendan Sparks is dead. COPCO has died with him. Only I can save America’s destiny from the Communist threat. The world needs a hero. I alone am that hero. You shall not interfere. In the name of God, go!” And he disappears from the screen.

The security managers assembled in the COPCO Seattle situation room say nothing more.

ask spanner.
Q: Why do you have it in for our Revolutionary Heroes?
A: Want the list? It’s so long, the whole thing would DDoS Echelon. We released only a small sampling of their crimes. That they always get away with them speaks libraries about your Revolution.

11 september 2001...
Stunned by the horrors of Osama bin Laden’s terror attack, Shira and Kira come up to their father, Ric Thomas. Shira asks, “Dad, why did they have to kill so many people?”

Grimly, Ric replies, “What is terrorism? A supervillain’s declaration that he is now dictator, and the people must surrender unconditionally or be destroyed. Some foreign wacko cult just told us they’re our new government and to obey or else. That’s how terrorism works.”

“We can stand up to those bullies,” says Kira confidently.

“Us, yeah. But will our government let us? They’ve wanted a new enemy since they lost their beloved Soviet Union, and now their fondest wish has come true at last...”

25 august 2012...
On the burning cratered Mall, among the shredded corpses, Kira lies in Shira’s arms, seemingly dying. “Please don’t die on me, Kira!” wails Shira. “Hang in there!”

“Lya...” whispers Kira before she falls unconscious.

Then the cruel merciless armoured soldiers swarm the twins and separate them with their crushing arms. The twins cry out each other’s name. John Cameron Becket, the one-eyed warrior prince, carries their mentor, his victim, Lya Cassir over his shoulder. In triumph he laughs contemptuously at the defeated people...

21 december 2012...
the last liberals imprisoned or converted — the Factor Positives sacrificed for the Transcendental Illumination — all surviving Slender Man proxies killed off to keep the secret — the people vanquished — Roger Steele Becket of Dictel, Incorporated, enthroned as King Patriot of the American Empire — Osama bin Laden laughs in Hell—

Q: Why are you a terrorist?
A: When did you last beat your wife?
Q: I asked you a question, damn it!
A: I asked the same question. Next!

Brinkman: rabid old cur You idiots, I ordered you to cease your petulant protests! But noooo, you continued to violate the Law. I warned you your defiance threatens the very order of existence itself! Henceforth, I’m forced to declare martial law statewide, effective immediately. From now on, I’m dictator! The Law is my word alone!

Dr. Jenna Hunter: stole the teachers’ pension fund We don’t need those stupid students who started this chaos, and I’m sure as hell not returning their unearned tuition. I’m putting it where it belongs, in the markets, where it’ll profit only the deserving. I’ll sell to Chinese Corporatist Party (Holdings) Limited if I have to.

Brendan Sparks: isn’t he supposed to be dead? We fought the Revolution to save the world from collectivist tyranny. And now the population of your entire state is committing defying all order to impose the Communism we fought so long and hard to defeat? This is the last straw. Starting immediately, our company will send all the agents necessary to put down this treasonous insurrection. If necessary, we will call on our friends in Russia and China to supply reinforcements.

Drusilla Becket AMERICA!: molests her acolytes as a power trip Jesus America is the one and only God. Jesus America is not the God of the many. God has chosen the few, the deserving, the individuals. He has gifted his chosen with infinite wealth and fame. Now the many have rejected their place in humble service to God’s chosen and turned as a collectivist mass against Our Nation, the one God. He shall punish them with his wrath, and then he will punish them with supernatural torment for eternity.

Richard Becket: ate all Kira’s clones You fools! Don’t you realize you’re committing mass suicide? We no longer need unreliable human workers when we can now produce everything we need with machines. We no longer need fickle consumers now that wealth is fully independent of consumption. The System no longer needs you. If in your petty resentment and your greed for the unearned you decide you want to destroy the System, then we’ll get rid of you. We have already entered the posthuman age. Humanity is obsolete. Corporations, not men, are the heirs to the future.

Admiral Currie: rips limbs off live muggles for giggles Stupid monkeys! You have defied your betters for the last time. This is our final demand. Surrender unconditionally, or you’ll force to declare the entire State of Cascadia collectively guilty of treason and begin saturation bombing at once. (sparkly grin)

Will Becket: pussy-whipped bloodsucker, sparkle-sparkle If you unravel the very fabric of Western Civilization itself and the Empire falls apart, it’s your fault.

Brinkman: sore loser sore loser sore loser There will be no election! CPMC does not have elections! CPMC is the government! CPMC is owned by me! I’m the sole owner of CPMC! I, and I alone, am the government! I am the president, the legislature, and the judiciary! It’s all me! I am the Law! The Law is my word, my whim! You’re on my private property, you parasites! Stop protesting, and get back to doing what I say! Okay? Please?

Henry Becket: humorless super-spoilsport I am coming. Surrender now, or prepare to die.

Q: Are you and Rebel Styles the same person?
A: Are Batman and Catwoman the same person?

Nameless Reporter: (among the strikers) The people are now on strike all across Cascadia! If the Corporates react the way they always have, it’ll spread for certain to the Owners themselves and even Chinese Corporatist Party (Holdings) Limited.

Hope: People all over this state have had enough. We’ve taken to the streets, and we won’t even think of going back to work until CPMC gives up and gives us our state back.

Desiree: (burns her superhero costume) My mother taught me that heroes stand above the people and stomp on ’em if they get out of line. Then they started stomping on each other: it’s clobberin’ time, Hulk smash. I realized how much I hate superheroes. The real heroes are in the streets, not the suites.

Shira: (surrounded by fellow nudefighters) I know you Corporate man-boys. You gonna send your steroid Man Power legions to rape our corpses? Try it and we’ll take the fight straight to you. That means you, wolfman.

Willa: Congratulations, Conservatives. You won. Your Revolution destroyed the liberals. Guess what that means? Nothing left to protect you against the people. Happy Election Day to you.

Nameless Reporter: Despite Governor Brinkman’s vow, the people are determined to hold the election no matter what.

Hope: We the people will settle for nothing less than our freedom back.

Spanner: There is no Law.

Amanda: This is not good.

Q: If there’s no rulers, who will keep the people under control?
A: Who keeps the rulers under control? What happens when the rulers are out of control?

south seattle. Simon, Alex, and Nick take over the CUNT cell’s former Rainier Beach hideout and move Team Bremelo in. The nudefight girls wear new fighting boots and gloves made from the terrorists’ tattooed white skin. Jennifer: “Why, Stavros’ tattoos look better on you than him.”

“Thanks, my love,” says Shira. “You know what it took to earn ’em.” She embraces her, kisses her, and winks.

The house is a complete mess. The late occupants couldn’t be bothered with even garbage disposal. Three homeless drunks soil the couch. The girl with no name holds her nose but fails to filter out the stench. “What a manky kip. It’s worse than a bloody skip! Can’t you find a better safe house, Simon? This place is shite!”

“You wanna be part of the revolution,” says Simon, ”better accept what you get, even sleeping in skips with the bums. We gotta kip somewheres, luv.”

“Easy for a Rocker to say.”

“So learn to Rock ’N’ Roll.”

Elle sits on the bench at the beat-up old piano. “A revolutionary garret’s a very romantic place.” She winks. The girl sighs and lets herself fall into Shira’s arms, and they kiss. Elle spins, opens the keyboard, and starts playing a jaunty old-fashioned Rock ’N’ Roll tune. The piano’s out of tune, but her skill and youthful enthusiasm shine through.

Jennifer spots an issue of one of the newest Anglophile gangster-fetish “yob mag” titles on the floor. She bends to pick it up, then grins mischievously and stands to hold it high. “Why, look at this! Could it be one of those regularly published instruction manuals, full of National Front propaganda, on how to become a perfectly naff git?”

The girl says, “Cut out the pretty-lady parts, bin the rest.”

“Consider it done.” Jennifer picks up a scissors off the table, snips it twice, and winks.

Polly struggles to keep from vomiting. “I wonder how they even manage to live with all this squalor.”

Akimi replies with contempt, “Gaman makes their otoko-chan feel big.”

“They call themselves ‘Big Swingin’ Dicks,’” says Shira. ”They think if they can handle this, they’re Man enough to handle anything.” With a shudder and a groan, Polly’s already low opinion of macho men descends into the abyss.

The nameless girl notices the drunken men staring at them. She decides to be a tease. She turns her back on them and bends slightly to emphasize the shape of her buttocks. She slaps the left cheek three times and winks. “So you like me pretty arse? I’ll let you look.” She shakes her butt several times. They drool helplessly.

“Stop it!” shouts Liz. “Why do you keep pulling that ‘sex object’ crap? We’re supposed to be feminists!”

“Beauty is power, comrade. Beautiful women possess power over men.”

Shira adds, “That’s what makes Man Egos go evil.”

“We need every weapon to hand.”

Liz sighs. “If you say so...”

The smartwatch under Shira’s right glove plays a ringtone. Elle stops playing. “Hello? You got it, J.T.? Awesome!” To the others: “We got a base, playground at a closed school, right under La Hunter’s nose.” The nudefighters cheer. To Elle: “Kira’s waiting.” She winks; Elle gasps.

Q: What the hell do you think we are, terrorist?
A: If I am what you just called me, that makes me your mirror image.

central district. Corporates being notoriously paranoid about their blood purity, SPEC investors thought it a natural choice to shut down the “inner city” schools attended by “racial enemies.” like the New Africans. They haven’t yet put this abandoned elementary school on the speculative market yet, so Charlie and Desiree used their powers to call squat and bring in thirty-odd feminists, anarchists, and street kids to camp and train. They wait alongside their nameless daughter, kid sister Kira, and Catalina the K9, for thirteen nudefighters to arrive: Shira, Jennifer, Polly, Daisy, Marina, and the girl with the violet eyes from Team Bremelo; Brandi and Arisa of the Slasher Hunters; hoverboard racers Akimi, Liz, and Radica; Melody, and Elle, who throws herself screaming and sobbing into Kira’s waiting arms to hop around together and kiss her. She wipes away happy tears and says, “You’ve never met each other so, this is your aunt Kira, and this is your niece Melody. Be good to each other ’cuz I love you both.” She pulls Kira and Melody into each other’s embrace so they can kiss.

Morning exercises: run a quarter-mile around the track, wushu stretches, and then the tough exercises. One- and two-armed pushups and pullups; squats, lunges, twists, and crunches; the taisou conditioning system their nameless warrior learned from the Iga ninja and the related systems Jennifer and Daisy learned from combat sambo and tae kwon do. The workout exhausts the feminists. Liz, speaking for them, points at Elle and Melody. “They’re only twelve! How come they can handle it and we can’t?”

“You aren’t doing enough of it,” says Melody.

“Keep it up and never give up,” says Elle, “and you’ll be true warriors like us.” She flexes her arm and winks. The feminists groan at the sight of her biceps.

Sure enough, two shirtless muscleboys in ski masks attempt an attack. Elle calls “I got ’em!” She leaps to take a wooden katana, rolls toward them, pops up into fighting stance.

They laugh. “Ha! naked little girl!” one mocks. “We been fighting for years!”

“Me? Seven years! A woman can never defend herself enough.” Elle hits his knees to sever his tendons, and he falls back; the other guards his face, she crushes his man-weapon before shattering his jaw and sending him flying back. As the awed feminists watch on, she knocks out the first goon with a casual blow to the head. They rush in, pick up the thugs, and carry him to the trash bin.

Q: Why’s the rabble stupid enough to rebel against God-given authority? Someone has to rule!
A: If you have such faith in the virtue of tyranny, why aren’t you beating your wife?

Nameless Reporter: The people of Cascadia are out in force on Election Day, and they intend to vote out CPMC.

Brinkman: I’d sooner sell out to Chinese Corporatist Party (Holdings) Limited!

In every city and town throughout Cascadia, the streets are full and all work has ceased. The US Police Force flies in Admiral Currie’s sound cannons on Blackhawks, SeaHawks, and Apaches to try to stop them. The pirate broadcasters’ sound trucks are rolling out to counter them. COPCO sends roboagents, the USPF sends Mech Knights, the Tech Knights send drones, the Conservative Revolutionary Party sends its most fanatical militants.

The battle spreads even to dreamspace, where the American Crusader faces down a chaos with angel wings. “Spanner! You cannot prevail against the power of God, Good, authority, and the Law. It is not possible.”

The angel of chaos replies in three voices: “We don’t need to. You have already lost.” He laughs, splits into three female forms (white phantom, black phantom, neon silhouette), and fades, taking the clouds with him and leaving the Crusader alone in darkness.

Below: the strikers march. Above: drones, mechs, and battle copters block the sky. Inside: Shira, Jennifer, Elle, and the girl with the violet eyes make violent passionate four-way love believing it’s the last moment of their lives. Outside, the pirate-TV sound cannon trucks take their positions and the Rockers mount the platforms.

Q: Why do you hate America?
A: I look at you “Real Americans,” and the rest is easy.

And above the city of Seattle, the American Crusader hovers between heaven and earth, waiting for the moment to deliver divine vengeance unto man.

Spanner: CPMC was built on a foundation of quicksand. Now it’s collapsing. But don’t allow yourselves to become complacent. You’ll have to dance between falling stones if you don’t want to get crushed.

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Copyright © 2013 Dennis Jernberg. Some rights reserved.

[Revision 4 Final, 4/15/13: Scenes heavily revised, condensed, deleted, and added to fit Final Revision continuity. The entire title sequence of 23.2 R2, “Spanner Q&A,” is now “Ask Spanner” here. Original R2 section title: “Settle for Nothing.”]