Wednesday, April 3, 2013

Spanner Chapter 21: High School Banned (Final Revision)

Chapter 20

Chaos Angel Spanner — Book 1: Rock City Blues
Chapter 21: High School Banned (Final Revision)

Team Bremelo defeated Team Valiant in the Team Challenge. Shira has taken the title of Tournament Leader from Bart and is technically Head Boy. The Bremeloes got away with the huge rave they held in celebration. They’re hoping to take some time to recover.

SPEC, the reconstituted Fearsome Foursome, and the collapsing Student Council refuse to give them any time, but especially not the Patriot militants enraged that a high-school fighting team of “Real Men” were defeated by mere girls. Naked girls — Team Bremelo’s nudefighters. Their sacred Manhood mortally offended, they riot.

The Bremelo girls take the battle to them. Protected by the new powers that Shira and the girl with the violet eyes developed in the King Patriot incident and the legal sorcery of Shira’s lawyer cousin Angela, they take their nudefighting public. They develop devious and dangerous new strategies against the Patriots, and test them on the Syndicates.

But then they catch the attention of SPEC Chairman Peter T. Ross. And he decides to return to Bangor High for the first time in two months, to stare down three young women who have become far more dangerous to his company and the Conservative Revolution itself than even this suspicious man realizes. To prevent the Student Union’s anti-bullying rally from ever taking place, he is more than willing to destroy the school...

Table of Contents:
  1. No Leaders for the New Revolution (October 7, 2011, Final Revision 3/28/13)
  2. Show Me Your Plan (October 8, 2011, Final Revision 3/29/13)
  3. Man Rage vs. Nudefight Girls (October 9, 2011, Final Revision 3/30/13)
  4. Test Your Might (October 10, 2011, Final Revision 3/31/13)
  5. Undressed for Action (October 11, 2011, Final Revision 4/1/13)
  6. Burning Down the House (The School Invasions Part IV) (October 12, 2011, Final Revision 4/2/13)
To avoid the fatal weaknesses of Revision 2’s ending (to both this chapter and Book 1), I removed more scenes than in any other chapter so far, including two entire plot threads (“the rescue of Karen,” now just a single scene in 22.1, and “the rape of Ayla,” removed entirely), and enough new scenes and threads added that 21.5 is now almost entirely new and serves as a prelude to the events of 21.6, which itself got a new cliffhanger ending leading directly into Chapter 22. The central scene of 21.3 R2 was completely rewritten for the proposed Revision 3 version, then further revised for R4 and moved to the opening of 21.6, where it would have its greatest effect. The nudefighters arc replaces the Karen and Ayla threads and follows directly from the events of 20.3, though it really started all the way back in Chapter 1.

Original section titles from Revision 2: “No Leaders” (21.1), “High Tension” (21.2), “The Descent from On High” (21.3), “Test Your Might” (21.4, unchanged in R4), “The Endless Struggle” (21.5, featuring the now removed Karen arc), “Burning Down the House” (21.6). Except for the above mentioned scene, there is no Revision 3 version.

Below are the original introductory notes to the First and Second Revisions. There were no revision notes, so this will be short.
First Revision Note: The action gets fast and furious as we approach the climax of Book 1. The two big clashes, though, are yet to come.

I’ll just shut my trap now and let the story speak for itself. But not before I make sure you know that you still ain’t seen nothing yet...

Second Revision Introduction: The rave ends, the rapists are caught, little Ayla is rescued, the Tournament Leaders are overthrown. One school week left until the Student Union holds its scheduled anti-bullying demonstration. One more week before the state election that CPMC is so desperate to prevent. The week of living dangerously has begun. Violent men are determined to ruin everything, but Shira and her fight club are ready for them. She has many tricks up her sleeve that she’s anxious to try out on them. She puts into action a plan to get her pacifist cousin Karen out of jail. But the losers in the Team Challenge, Valiant Team and its leader, now former head boy Bart Green, are out for revenge, and they intend to get it at any cost...

Book 1 enters the homestretch at last! This is the last chapter whose first draft [i.e. Revision 1 version] I posted [because Chapters 22 and 23 R1 were never fully completed], and the conclusion of the School Arc that began in Chapter 5. The shit is finally hitting the fan. After this, the shit gets serious.

Chapter 22

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Copyright © 2013 Dennis Jernberg. Some rights reserved.
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