Spanner 23.3: The Television Will Be Revolutionized

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Chaos Angel Spanner — Chapter 23: Black Panic in the Suites
Part 3: The Television Will Be Revolutionized (Final Revision)

i am the lord your god

The new Conservative Revolutionary Party Central Committee, the Cold War superhero team known as the Liberators, have released an official statement.

The American Crusader: (Party Chairman Henry Becket) This insolent defiance cannot be tolerated.

The Scarab: (Lord Richard Becket) Your rebellion threatens to unravel the fabric of reality in Heaven as on Earth.

Liberty Belle: (Raylene Forster Becket) You’re destroying freedom!

The Super Patriot: (Colonel Tom Becket) To obey your leaders is to obey God. To disobey your leaders is to obey Satan.

The Nightwolf: (John Brinkman, Duke of Carolina) We are the chosen heroes of God.

The Shape: (civilian identity classified) God raised us above you for a reason.

The Streak: (Major “Speed” Thompson) God gifted us with power and not y’all!

The Sphinx: (Drusilla Becket AMERICA!) You are defying God himself!

Johnny Rebel: (Saxon Mobley) It’s Commonism!

The American Crusader: We, the Liberators, shall preserve American Freedom by any means necessary.

All: Freedom must prevail!

Naturally, their traditional enemy the Proletarian (the fourth; the Crusader duelled the second to the death in Vietnam) releases his rebuttal from his South American hideout, waving a small burning Imperial flag.

Proletarian: Freedom for their paymasters, slavery for the masses. It’s the American Way. USA.

Jennifer is surprised to find the same MxPx fans Willa loves to complain about marching alongside the strikers and eagerly discussing certain anticapitalist New Testament verses the Party removed from the Book of America. One gasps at the sight of her. “What are you doing without your clothes on?”

“I fight this way. Wet skin’s hard to hold onto.”

Another says, “Hey, aren’t you one of those radical types who’s got a problem with God?”

Jennifer points upward. “Look up in the sky. There you’ll find God’s chosen, all nine of ’em, ready to pour down his wrath upon the unheroic masses. The real Party leader sits on Heaven’s throne, just so you know.” The MxPxies shy away from her and return to the march.

She hears another gasp. Saida Ibrahim tries to hide behind a local imam with skullcap and neatly trimmed beard. He approaches her and holds out his hand. “Are you the famous Blonde Phantom?”

“How do you know about me?”

“The angels praise you to the throne of God for rescuing innocent Muslims from the Takfiri heretics though you yourself were naked, starving, and in unbelief.”

She reluctantly shakes his hand. “Don’t you know that if they catch you with us, they’ll call this a Caliphate op and smash the city?”

“We too are ordinary people. But we bear the burden of knowing that the only way to liberate our people from the Caliphate is to restore the Empire to all people. True justice depends on it.”

She eyes him suspiciously. “What about the ‘smite the infidels’ part?”

“Look up in the sky. There you’ll find them.”

Saida runs into her arms and holds her tight. “I don’t hate you.”

Jennifer kisses her cheek. “I still love you. It’s just that too many innocent people are getting hurt, and it breaks my heart.” She holds Saida tight and cries with her.

Will: What the hell, they’re using black helicopters?

Pilot: Stealing from their own conspiracy theory, eh?

Will: No, it’s that they’re using helicopters. If Debbie’s gone rogue, it’ll be a massacre.

Countless phonecams and AR scopes transmit the image of naked hoverboard girls rise on their lifters to the tune of “The Ride of the Valkyries,” ready to take on the black helicopters preparing to assault the people with weaponized Patriot Metal. Elle gives the cameras an enthusiastic thumbs-up and a wicked wink.

Shira: Up into the sky we go.

Kira: To fight the invaders from Olympus!

Radica: And earn our Achievement no matter what!

All: Up, up, and awaaaaay!

thou shalt have no other gods before me

Moon watches the “Like wow, they’re rilly doing it.”

Hope says grimly, “I sure hope they don’t get themselves killed.”

The alarm sirens sound. El Kabong shouts, “We’re under attack!”

Wolveroach says, “Maximum DDoS coming!”

“It’s the Property Liberation Army’s Cyber Division,” says Hope.

Selene begins the countdown. “Five...”

Wolveroach: “Firewalls standing up to initial assault!”

“Four...”

El Kabong: “Anti-spambot defenses holding!”

“Three...”

Evil the Cat: “The big hit’s coming! Prepare yourselves!”

“Two...”

Punisheroach: “Bring it on, motherfuckers.”

“One...”

Moon sings, “It’s heeere...”

“Y’all know what to do.”

The hackers reply in unison, “Upload!”

Amanda: What the—

All newsertainment disappears from the official networks, replaced by their regular patriotic propaganda.

Nameless Reporter: The MSM have given up, people! The airwaves now belong to you!

As the Great Firewall of Chinese Corporatist Party (Holdings) Limited descends upon the American media and tries to invade the Darknet, half a million cameras on smartphones and AR glasses transmit live video of the strike to the Darknet, the world, and each other. As a million hackers calling themselves Anonymous go to war against the Property Liberation Army, countless camera operators capture the sight of strikers marching together, nude hoverboarders taking to the skies for an Achievement, Rockers on the ground and Patriot Metal Fanatics in the sky preparing to wage Rock ’N’ Roll war, and nine hovering superheroes waiting for the chance to smite the people in the name of American Freedom: without directors, without producers, without Media Lords or Party commissars or Chinese censors trying to suppress it.

Nameless Reporter: They say the revolution will not be televised. Not true! TV’s already gone through a revolution that makes the Conservative Revolution look, well, conservative. That’s right, people: your television has already been revolutionized! And now Chinese Corporatist Party (Holdings) Limited has ordered America’s MSM off the airwaves. They’ve officially concede defeat!

The election system uploads to the cloud and erases its presence on the weak computers at election central. The hackers activate poison-pill defenses to trap the PLA supercomputers and botnets. Shira and Kira direct them to assimilate the MIRV Griffin “Spanner Botnet” that will infect them with the virus. The angel of chaos looms over the corpse-littered COPCO Seattle situation room and says, “You lose. Deal with it.”

The PLA botnet brute-forces its way into the election computers and assimilates everything on storage including the Spanner virus. CCP(H) CEO Weng takes over the official channels in an attempt to command the American people’s bicameral minds in hypnotically chanted Mandarin Chinese, but dissolves into digital noise when the virus begins to grind his botnet’s hard drives into shrapnel and is replaced by the fugitive images shot by the people’s own cameras, eventually settling on the vision of a beautiful woman stripped to the waist, shoulder-length brown hair unkempt, slim body drenched in sweat, determined to capture the moment; through the eyecam of the man called Scope, in a trembling breathless voice, she speaks to the world:

Nameless Reporter: People, this is the point of no return. We can’t allow ourselves to give up now. We lead together, or they’ll lead us to destruction. We fight until we win. We have to restore civilization, culture, and peace to the world. The world’s survival depends on us.

Currie blurts, “Is that woman preaching Commonism?”

Scofield snarls, “She’s telling them to rebel against everything virtuous and heroic!”

Light growls, “This repulsive social metaphysics!”

Everson whimpers, “This horrific moral cannibalism!”

Brinkman howls, “If we let ’em win, they’ll cut off our heads and drink our blood!”

The silent grim Investors watch the big screeen. One of them vomits into his spitoon from the sheer creepy alienness of the rebels. Litton looks at Drusilla’s empty seat and crosses his fingers.
“Remember what you’re up against, Liberators. You don’t wanna get owned on live TV.”

“We’re superheroes,” Johnny Rebel audiomessages back, “and they’re nothing.”

“Remember what we’re fighting for,” Jennifer exhorts the assembled nudefighters. “We’re not just fighting to take back control of our own bodies. We’re fighting for decent wages, hourse, and benefits for all workers, the right to work and live and love, freedom from want and fear. Get rid of any romantic notions of heroism, stop thinking of yourselves as special like the superheroes up there, tell your Egos to shut up and get out. We’re not just fighting beside the the people, we are the people. The only alternative to democracy and socialism is extinction. The bastards are coming; let’s hit ’em hard!” They answer with howls, cheers, and pumping fists. She gives the signal to scatter.

The girl with the violet eyes does not travel far before she finds them: her tattooed mother Taylor in Goth Rocker gear; her aunt Ariel in black witch’s robe and hat; Charlie, Desiree, and their daughter Melody, nude and sweaty and already giving off sparks. Ariel winks. The girl nods. With a mighty Repulse they launch together into the sky.

Three trenchcoated ronin police watch them fly among the camera-wielding crowd. “Yo, boys,” says Lavette Perry, “which side are we on?”

“Let’s see,” says Jim Sparks, “Dad’s dead, we’re fired, the Guild’ll fuck us over if we don’t go merc, what do you think?”

“I know what side all the hot naked babes are on,” says Stu Kowalczyk.

Perry wags her finger. “Don’t go all perv on us.”

“Why? Jealous?”

Sparks says, “Well, we sure as fuck ain’t working for CCP.”

“Damn straight.”

“Word that,” says Perry. They look up in the sky.

They’ve got the app in their cranial computers to boost their reality distortion fields, and hardware in their hoverboards. Half a dozen helicopters attack Shira and Kira with Patriot Metal only to lose its force in the atmospheric warp. The twins dart out of the way of the Rockers’ answer blast. The pilots suddenly lose control — not engine failure nor the Rockers below — six coordinated Repulse fields aim their sound cannons at each other — they blow up with a deafening boom that sends the strikers scurrying back to shelter.

thou shalt not revile the gods

Everybody looks up. Perry asks, “What the hell was that?”

Hope says, “That sounded like it came all the way from space.”

Shira and Kira look at each other. Shira: Is that what I think it is? Kira: Oh, my, fucking, gawd—

Sparks cries out at the top of his lungs, “That’s Echelon!”

nor curse the ruler of thy people

The Fearsome Foursome and their entourage cheer at the sound of Echelon’s voice and the appearance of its All-Seeing Eye emblem. The Investors let out an audible sigh of relief. Everson raises his arms and cries out, “We’re saved!”

Currie says, “The cavalry’s riding in at last!”

Scofield says, “They sure took their sweet time.”

Brinkman declares, “We’ve got the superheroes. We’ve got the megacomputers. Even the gods and the One God himself are on our side! Now let’s put the rabble back in their place, good and hard!” The CPMC and Party leaders cheer; the Investors nod in approval.

All cheers stop when the emblem of Echelon vanishes, replaced by the face of Spanner. Brinkman whispers, “Oh, no.”

Spanner: Now you’ve gone and done it, American Remnant. You’ve declared war against your own people. You’ve decided to wipe your own cities off the face of the earth. Over the moral event horizon ride the virtuous men of wealth. [a beat pirated from Queen’s “We Will Rock You” fades in] We, will, we, will, hack you.

Currie: (in inset) Angel of chaos, you cannot win! Echelon and NORAD together are the most powerful force known to man, able to command the wills of the whole human race and overcome Chinese Corporatist Party (Holdings) Limited! You have already lost! The Revolution is eternal!

Spanner: You think I’m a computer. You think I’m a virus. You think I’m a botnet. I am none of these things. I am certainly not a superhero. I am chaos made form. I bring you the one thing neither you nor the gods you serve can survive: the freedom of uncertainty. Behold, I bring it on! [dissolves into a violent chaos of video noise]

Brinkman quickly switches off the monitor to prevent any leaders from contracting a bicameral-mind virus. He slams his mighty fist on the table. “Damn him! So he’s decided to attack us directly! We must stop that abomination before he causes any real damage. I want him dead!”

Doctor 42 calls Jack Becket to give him a grim message. “Spanner has taken over the division mainframe.”

Litton says, “Spanner is a very clever man. We need to match him with a very clever plan.”

“Nonsense!” exclaims Currie. “The Defense Department has put too much time and money into building the greatest national security defense system in history! There is no, way, it can fail!”

“Gentlemen, your system is fighting a war on two fronts,” says Mr. Antonov.

“In addition, it is under attack from every hacker in the world,” says Mr. Seon.

Currie shakes his fist. “You’re forgetting God and money are on our side! We’ve already revolutionized the world! Please, have, faith!”

The Investors slowly shake their heads. Mr. Martensen says, “We shall see.”

Nameless Reporter: Echelon has issued his Challenge against the people, and Spanner throwing Echelon a Challenge of his own!

The Streak attempts a sneak attack on Shira only to be Repulsed by an angry girlfriend into a Patriot Metal copter which immediately explodes. The Shape tries to swallow Kira; Melody takes her place, lets him engulf her, and unleashes a high-voltage blast that makes him scream and let her go. Only Drusilla’s Repulse field saves her teammates from falling to their deaths.

Richard Becket finds his nemesis Ariel Shield hovering in his way and waving the briefcase containing the Gospel of the New Genesis temptingly before him. “Ariel! You’ve brought it to me at last!”

She laughs. “No, uncle, I’m just showing you that I have it, and then I’m not giving it to you!”

“You traitorous bitch!” He fires a blast from his staff; she casually Repulses it into three helicopters in a deafening blinding explosion.

While no one can hear, she implants a telepathic message into his brain: Once again, your Ego is making you forget that I am invincible. And I shall continue to defend the anawim against you, the Anakim.

Their day is long past, Ariel. We have already revolutionized the world.

Uncle, your Revolution is over. You have already lost. He tries to kill her with a stronger blast. Seven more Patriot Metal copters blow up.

i am jesus america

Echelon tries to force its way into human mindspace. The PLA botnet tries to devour it. A million hackers assault them both. Spanner inserts himself into Echelon’s mind.

It counterattacks with the brute force of a million processors working in sync, with Yoyodyne’s deadliest ICE, with the most destructive icebreakers Dictel Research can engineer. The angel of chaos fragments into millions of independent Glitches rapid-firing disintegrator programs into the ICE, flinging Anon malware at it with simulated gravity lenses, fusing and breaking apart again with seeming randomness, the many against the one. Camdrones fall from the Cascadian skies like a rain of steel and plastic frogs while Spanner uses their hijacked processors to launch a DDoS of unprecedented scale; the processors melt down before the camdrones hit the ground. When Echelon returns its focus back to him, he attacks its satellites and remote bases with its own icebreakers, copied and customized to its firewalls and ICE.

At last it relents. Its voice breaks up.

i...    am...

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Copyright © 2013 Dennis Jernberg. Some rights reserved.

[Revision 4 Final, 4/17/13: Mostly new material for Final Revision continuity.]