Monday, April 22, 2013

Spanner 23.4: Burn the Polls, Ye Sons of Freedom

...from previous

Chaos Angel Spanner — Chapter 23: Black Panic in the Suites
Part 4: Burn the Polls, Ye Sons of Freedom (Final Revision)

Brinkman: To our rebellious subjects: There is no election. You are not the government. The government is CPMC. The government is me! I alone am the Law! My word is the word of God! Obedience alone is of God. All rebellion is inspired by Satan. You will cease your Devil-inspired rebellion against God, or we shall be forced to destroy you all, to the man, root and branch.
Suddenly a piratecast interrupts the official announcement: an eight-bit representation of the head of the Statue of Liberty replaces the blue screen, opening and closing her mouth in clockwork fashion; descending red, white, and blue gradients replace Spanner’s rainbow background, speaking in a cheery female computer voice.
Lady Liberty: Good morning, America! I’m Lady Liberty, and I’m here to remind y’all that if you don’t vote, you can’t be free.
The computer image of Lady Liberty is replaced by a series of portraits of great American founders and leaders, mouths animated ventriloquist-dummy style.
Thomas Jefferson: We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. —That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, —That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government...
Thomas Paine: These are the times that try men’s souls. The summer soldier and the sunshine patriot will, in this crisis, shrink from the service of their country; but he that stands by it now, deserves the love and thanks of man and woman. Tyranny, like hell, is not easily conquered; yet we have this consolation with us, that the harder the conflict, the more glorious the triumph.
Abraham Lincoln: Any people anywhere, being inclined and having the power, have the right to rise up, and shake off the existing government, and form a new one that suits them better. This is a most valuable — a most sacred right — a right, which we hope and believe, is to liberate the world.
Lady Liberty: So y’all better cast your votes and make ’em count! Let’s show ’em People Power! Let’s show ’em that America is We the People! Get off your duffs and make your votes count!
Litton and the MSM corporate techs finally interrupt the real piratecast, but not before the damage has already been done. Governor Brinkman returns to the screen, angrier than ever, looking less human by the second, venting his sovereign wrath in an escalating rage that distorts his face. (Sparks: “He’s starting to look less human.” Shira: “Good. Then people will see what their owners really are.”)
Brinkman: Y’all are traitors! Goddamn liberal commonist Muslim faggot nigger-lovers! I’ll kill you all! I’ll eat y’all alive! I’ve got nukes and y’all don’t! I’ll rip your—
Brinkman’s face is replaced with a comic book image of the Wolf Man and the sound of a howling movie werewolf.
Lady Liberty: Not so fast, Fido!
The eight-bit image of Spanner appears. This time the famous graffiti tag of badge-shield, crossed wrenches, and Old English “S” is superimposed on his faceplate.
Spanner: People of Cascadia: You are being faced with a choice. The Synarchy are throwing you a Challenge they think you can’t possibly win. Accept it and throw it in their faces. Is America truly the land of freedom and democracy, or a caliphate of corporations subjugating humanity to the cult of Mammon? The choice is yours alone. This is Tournament, and you are the fighters under Challenge. Go forth and win.
Brinkman attempts to retake the airwaves as soon as the piratecast ends, but his cousin Martin Becket shoves him aside.
Martin Becket: The masked terrorist wants you to forget the evil in the heart of man. Democracy is not only impossible, it leads only to anarchy and chaos. America was founded to prevent democracy, by reserving power for an enlightened oligarchy. We have restored the proper order of things. The men whose virtue God has blessed with infinite wealth support our company’s virtue.
Nameless Reporter: (looks at her phone, then at you) Major investors are showing their confidence in CPMC by driving its stock price to four times its previous high!
Martin Becket: The Revolution does not need approval from the profane. God himself has already cast the only vote that counts.
Nameless Reporter: (points at you) Remember, people, (raises her thumb) a vote for CPMC is (turns her thumb down) a vote against you.
Brinkman: The bitch is full of shit!
Martin Becket: No, she’s right. A vote against us is a vote against America. God doesn’t like that. (glares at you) Obey God!
As the smoke and debris from destroyed battle copters dissipates, the strikers make another attempt to take the streets, only to be foiled by smoke and noise bombs thrown by young black-masked vigilantes, mostly male and driven by testosterone. One of them, presumably a leader, uses his phone as a microphone to speak through a hijacked city PA system:
Anarcho-terrorist: You pacifist wimps! You think you can destroy the System by marching? You’ve already committed mass suicide! You already surrendered to the Enemy! The only way to freedom is through blood, fire, and revolutionary violence! Burn the polls, ye sons of freedom!
Jennifer leaps up and punches him out; the strikers cheer. She steals his phone.
Jennifer: Fine act of government those hotheads just pulled. Didn’t we just have your kind of revolution? They’re not anarchists at all!
Listen, people: terrorism is government! The Man’s bullying you to prevent mass self-determination. What is anarchy? No leaders! Democracy without leaders. These terrorists only wanna replace those other terrorists. Don’t follow! Vote against CPMC, and these clowns too. Back to the strike!
A previously recorded message gets interrupted.
Drusilla: Blessed people of America, the spiritual truth of Our Nation is under threat from the schemes of the unenlightened and unblessed. We must restore the Hierarchy to its natural order, or—
Ric Thomas: (raises cherry-red Gibson Flying V) RAAAAAWWWWWK!
Ariel Repulses a Patriot Metal copter at the Crusader rotor first; he destroys it with a single mighty punch. They look in the sky: one left. Ric audiomessages Shira, We got this one, cub. She waves off the others; the flying supers turn their attention to the heroes.

Crowds of strikers scramble back to shelter as Tom E. Breydon unleashes a deadly blast of Patriot Metal that shatters windows, destroys cars and trash bins, and wrecks the inside of buildings. Ten Rockers aim their sound blasters at his copter to play the most blistering solos of their careers. Ten waves of weaponized Rock ’N’ Roll crack the metal, torture the men on board, split the rotors into flying blades of death, and finally blow up the copter with a deafening boom. The Patriot Metal Superstar wakes up in his new clone body next to a laughing Oliver Thorwald, a sneering Bunny Strakeljahn, and a yee-hawing Redd Banditt who has to be restrained from backslapping.
Ric: (pumps fist) Death by guitar warriorrrrrr!
Spanner and the Monkeywrench: You are dead, dead, dead...
Nameless Reporter: The first voting results are in! So far, the citizen vote’s overwhelmingly against CPMC. Can it overcome the oceans of outside Investor cash? Yes we can!
Spanner: Government of the Party, by the Party, and for the Party... died in 1989.
Mr. Zhi says, “You cannot allow them to win, Mr. Brinkman.”

Mr. Antonov says, “You have to preserve the dictatorship of virtue over moral cannibalism by any means necessary, Mr. Brinkman.”

“Well, how do you think we’re gonna do that,” Brinkman replies, “when my own traitorous daughter’s beating up the world’s greatest superheroes all by herself? And don’t tell me there’s a spiritual way, Martin, when she’s got both the Holy Grail and the Gospel of the New Genesis!” He points at Litton. “As for you, Mad Man, the rabble ain’t listening no more, and you know it!”

Admiral Currie says, “The rabble knows it can’t win when we have a lock on all the weapons and technology in the world.”

“Then how come you haven’t brought all your weapons and technology here?
Nameless Reporter: Millions of people in nearly every major city in the world are filling the streets in solidarity with the people of Cascadia! Reports say that COPCO, the United States Police Force, the Property Liberation Army, and Al-Qaeda’s Revolutionary Enforcers are stretched to their limit!
The big monitor shows video on split-screen: every city throughout the Empire, in the Americas and Europe and colonial Asia and the Pacific; giant crowds of people swarming the streets and battling enraged mercenary enforcers; anti-corporate vigilantes smashing government-corporation offices; drones and copbots hacked and used against each other and their former masters — Admiral Currie giggles nervously as the Investors glare at him.
Nameless Reporter: Popular votes against CPMC are flooding in from all over the Empire and even from behind the Great Firewall in China! If we keep this up, we may be able to overcome CPMC’s cash advantage yet! Meanwhile, Lord Becket has ordered the World Bank to open the company an infinite line of credit...
Unfazed by Brinkman’s dismissal of his efforts, Litton slips one more propaganda video through the Great Firewall, intending to rally the people back to the Party. It begins with the Imperial flag waving proudly, followed by a montage of devout Americans holding up their right hands and glossolating.
Announcer: Fellow Americans, we united in 2001 to save the world from Islam, and we united in 2012 to sweep away the liberal barriers keeping us from destroying the Islamic menace. Don’t let liberal demagogues lead you astray, or the forces of darkness will snuff out freedom forever!
Shira says, He really thinks he can convince us to rush back to the slave pens.
AEGIS hoots. The Great Firewall itself is sending our reply.
[Soviet soldiers goosestep in formation for Comrade Stalin in old black-and-white file footage as a background for Shira.]

Shira: Don’t they look cool in those red-trimmed olive uniforms? Who said Comrade Stalin couldn’t match his ex-friend Hitler in the looks department?
Well, did you know half the Conservative Revolutionary Party used to worship Comrade Stalin before they found Jesus and switched sides? They won’t let you forget that America won the Cold War. Problem is, we won it by becoming the enemy. [cut to red “CCCP” banner, then Shira reappears] Welcome to the CCCP: the Confederacy of Conservative Christian, uh, whatever the ‘P’ stands for. [smiles sweetly, waves] Happy Election Day, y’all! [winks]
CCCP?” complains Jack. “She just called us ‘CCCP’!”

“That’s ‘Patriots,’ you filthy slut!” yells Brinkman. “Not ‘Pricks,’ ‘Patriots’!”

Everson snarls, “Why don’t we just kill the bitch?”

Litton replies, “Bad idea.”

“You’ve got to be kidding,” says Scofield.

“You wanna know how to become immortal?” The Foursome, their acolytes, and the Investors stare at him. “You become famous, and then you die. Celebrities make lucrative cults out of that. Better yet, get killed by the government. Then you’re a martyr.”
“You lie.”

“The gospel truth. Ain’t no way you’re gonna kill that bitch. So you guys just step aside let me deal with the bitch. You hear?”

“Your way don’t work on her,” Brinkman growls. “How many times has she proved it now?”

With a single voice the Investors proclaim, “You have already failed.” One by one, Investor after Investor says, “Only Echelon can save us now,” until the last one has spoken.

Currie declares, “We must summon NORAD!”

“What?” protests Litton. “Are you trying to martyr an entire city? Do you really want to turn Seattle into the Communist Masada?”

“It’s the only force on earth more powerful than the Liberators, and now it’s the only thing that can save America from falling victim to the Communist menace! We have no choice!

Brinkman commands, “Summon NORAD!”

Litton gets in his face. “And turn North Cascadia into a nuclear wasteland?”

“We have better.” The Governor smiles.
Brinkman: This is my last warning to the filthy insurgent rabble of Cascadia. Either you surrender unconditionally and vow eternal fealty and service unto me, or I will destroy the entire state and leave nothing left but dust. I will exterminate you to the last rabid louse! Cease, or die. You have thirty minutes.
High above the sky, it comes. It is powered by solar cells that cover its wings. It explodes a nuclear bomb to create a city-destroying particle beam. It is the centerpiece of the American Empire’s Strategic Defense Initiative, the “Star Wars” celebrated in endless official propaganda. Its name is SOL-9000. It is the angel of death. And it is coming to Seattle on a mission of destruction.
Spanner: CPMC has just revealed its true nature. It is really an Islamic suicide bomber in the form of a giant corporation. Its mission is the same as Al-Qaeda’s: exterminate the people, leaving only the Chosen Race destined to conquer the infinite kingdom of space. [split-screen of Jesus America and Osama bin Laden cult images] Can you can tell the End-Times Messiahs apart? I never could.
The Liberators fly away, presumably back to Salem to rejoin the Fearsome Foursome and their Investors. The girl with the violet eyes flies into the arms of her lover. Shira lets her hoverboard fly away. They share a long passionate mid-air kiss. The girl deliriously purrs, “Wer geboren werden will, muss eine Welt zerstören...

AEGIS says, Hey, girls! CPMC’s sent a distress call to NORAD, and it’s sending over a Star Wars killsat to destroy the city!

Shira goes dead calm. “Looks like the world wants to destroy us first.”

The girl’s eyes go wide. “Huh?”
Nameless Reporter: This just in: CPMC has just ordered a Star Wars killer satellite over Seattle. It looks like Chairman Brinkman means it!
Ariel flies up to the two nude girls hovering together, looking up at the approaching killsat. “Now you really need me.”

“We can only deflect its beam. There’s a less destructive way.”

“Can you form a binary system?”

“That’s how we killed King Patriot.”

Ariel gasps. Then she smiles. “Well! True love saved your life, and now it kills! Very well. I’ll stay out of your way.”

The girl kisses her. “Thank you.” Ariel flies away.

Sparks audiomessages, So Wally’s an even sorer loser than I thought. The Krewe and I are giving you and Kira all the malware you need. Upload it into the killsat, and with luck you might even kill NORAD with it. Good luck! He leaves her with several gigabytes of viruses, trojans, worms, and logic bombs.

Kira says, You too?

Find one or two crystals and Jen, Shira replies, then get up here and start fucking. We need all the binaries we can get.

Gotcha! Kira orders Shira’s hoverboard to find Jennifer, then flies over to the New Age shop with the most powerful crystals she can sense in order to rob it.

i am

All the strikers emerge from shelter into the streets to stare up. Everyone throughout the Metropolitan City stops everything to look up at the bright light in the sky above the city. The Syndicates stop fighting, robbing, and raping; the ronin police stop fighting them and each other; the terrorist vigilantes stop attacking the Syndicates, the cops, and the people. All activity stops. There is nothing anyone can do.

Except for six superpowered women flying nude over downtown. Charlie and Desiree quickly join Shira and her girl with no name. Kira and Jennifer arrive with power crystals they insert into themselves; they order their hoverboards away and the other hoverboarders with them; suspended between the two more powerful couples, they do not fall. They look up. Brinkman’s Challenge is here. They are ready.


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Copyright © 2013 Dennis Jernberg. Some rights reserved.
Creative Commons License

[Revision 4 Final, 4/18/13: All scenes remaining from R2 heavily edited for Final Revision continuity. Some scenes taken from Chapters 19-22; new scenes added. Original R2 section title: “Vote Early, Vote Often.”]

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