Chaos Angel Spanner — Chapter 6: Teenage Wasteland
Part 5: By Any Means Necessary (Final Revision)
Part 5: By Any Means Necessary (Final Revision)
5 september 2014.
telesphere. Some things are not news. Sometimes the official media report what is not news.
Amanda: Official spokesmen of the Church of America deny rumors of an alleged incident that allegedly happened at a Seattle-area high school. In other news, government spokesmen deny that droughts that allegedly occurred throughout the American Heartland are evidence of the nonexistent alleged phenomenon of global warming...shira’s apartment. Dexter is sitting up naked against the bed’s headboard reading a book when his bedmate rolls over to face him. Shira throws off the covers. He says, “Hey, baby girl.”
“You still think you can handle me, darlin’?”
“I know we can settle down and build a life together.”
She gets onto all fours. “You know I’m not the settling-down type.”
He strokes her hair. “You call yourself a bad girl, but you’re a good person inside.”
She caresses his dark skin. “Maybe you’re right. But I need adventure.”
“You like having to worry and look over your shoulder all the time?”
“’Cuz they do? That’s all they do. It’s what you get for having such a monster ego.”
Dexter sighs. “Dammit, Shira, I love you. I don’t want you to get hurt.”
Shira rests her head in his lap. “I know... You’re a total sweetheart, Dex.”
They look at each other for a long moment. Then Shira takes his hard penis into her mouth and works her expertise on him...
principal’s office. Once again, Shira and Jennifer stand cross-armed before the always patronizing Principal and the always angry Falconer. Sternly the principal says, “Young ladies, I’m afraid you’re coming too close to pushing things too far this time.”
The girls look at them strangely. “Excuse me,” says Shira, “we just prevented a massacre just yesterday.”
“But your cousin has been taking her clothes off in public. That is not just illegal, it’s immoral.”
Jennifer glares back. “Your priestly friends were trying to kill me yesterday. I’m sorry you’re disappointed I’m not dead.”
The Principal wags his finger. “I will not take any more guff from you young ladies. You have to know your place and resign yourselves to it. Do what your betters say, or there will be consequences.”
Jennifer unholsters her phone and brings up her contacts list. “I’m afraid you don’t get it, Mr. Principal.”
“You’re letting badly disguised criminal street gangs rampaging all over this school,” says Shira. “Bullying may be politically correct in the Party, but it’s illegal here in Cascadia. In fact, bullying is really just the playground name for terrorism.”
Falconer barks, “You two are out of order!”
Jennifer takes off her glasses, stares defiantly at the Major, and says nothing. Shira says to her, “Push it. Call her.” Jennifer presses the “talk” button on her phone, then puts it to her ear. Principal and Falconer look at each other.
“Hi. Mom? It’s me... Shira and I need you. Now... okay... yeah... right!... We’re here waiting for you. Love ya! [kisses into the microphone] ’Bye!” She ends the call and puts her phone back. She smiles at the principals. “My mother’s coming. She’ll be here in just a few minutes.”
Principal interrupts Falconer before she begins to shout. “We would love to speak with your mother. We are patient. We can wait.”
Shira and Jennifer trade looks but don’t talk. Principal and Falconer remain still and say nothing. Ten minutes later, Willa arrives: as tall, blond, and beautiful as her daughter, but much more formidable. She looks strikingly professional in dark beige sleeveless coatdress, knee-high lace-up brown leather boots, and rectangular geek glasses. Both Jennifer and Shira throw themselves into her embrace. She kisses first Jennifer and then Shira on the lips. She turns to face the red-faced principals with the girls at her sides. “My daughter tells me she’s having some kind of trouble concerning you. Is this true?”
“She and her girlfriend are in trouble, yes.”
Principal and Falconer stare suspiciously at them. “Yes.”
Willa continues. “I should add, Mr. Principal and Ms. Falconer?”
“That’s Major Falconer!” snaps the Vice Principal.
Willa takes off her glasses slowly and drills a chilling glare into Falconer’s eyes. “From what I hear, Major, you’re no longer an active duty Marine, so as far as I’m concerned you’re Ms. Falconer. Anyway, my daughter has been telling me that she and her cousin are being harassed by mercenary agents hired by your company. What I was trying to say, Ms. Falconer, is that your policies may be less than legal, to say the least. In other words, the trouble is not ours, but yours.”
The Principal says, “I’m afraid you don’t get it, Mrs. Thomas.”
“That’s Miss Richter-Thomas. And I get it all too well. But I see that you don’t, and won’t. You are so clueless, it’s not funny.”
“I’m afraid the Law stands behind every action we take. Nothing you can do can change that, for the Law is utterly without mercy.”
Willa takes her phone out of her purse. “Hello, Angie?”
Another ten minutes later, their lawyer Angela Coyne arrives. Willa, Jennifer, and Shira greet her with hugs and kisses, annoying the administrators. Falconer screeches, “Will you people stop that? Are you lesbian or something? You’re driving me nuts!”
Angela slams a thick stack of legal paper onto the desk, in front of the Principal. “I hear you people are giving my clients some serious trouble. Now tell your people to lay off, or trouble will be yours. Got me?”
The Principal stares at her open-mouthed. Vice Principal Falconer glares at her with her mouth shut tight. His smirk is strained when he finally pulls himself together to say, “Miss Coyne, we are not responsible for actions taken by the company.”
“Actually, the problem with your company is, it’s completely irresponsible. You’d better be careful too. The Law’s merciless, remember?” The principals stare back, Principal nervously, Falconer resentfully.
homeroom. The new replacement teacher has a beard and looks over the class with suspicion. Jennifer lowers her glasses and slowly stands up. In a panic, he whips out a detonator and starts to scream the Shahada—
—and is hit in the head by a thick textbook Jennifer throws at him. She runs up, grabs him by the hair, kicks his groin five times: “You! sick! piece! of! shit!” She slams his face against the blackboard, shattering his nose and mixing the chalk writing with blood spatter. She spins him around, slams the back of his head against the blackboard, chokes him with her left hand, and holds out her right fist. “Well, ain’t it Jamal the Ripper. Please allow me to introduce myself. I’m Jennifer Blair, and this is Blake Island.” He stares hard at her, still enraged, still uncomprehending.
Brandi gets up and walks over to her. Jennifer looks at her; she nods. They direct a hard triumphant smile at him. Jennifer says, “Well. You’re a Slasher, and we’re the Slasher Hunters. You, my friend, are over.”
The students let out a mass sigh of relief. Sharifa collapses onto her desk and thanks God. Shira stands up and exclaims, “Well!” Brandi looks at her; then Jennifer drops the Caliphate agent to the floor and looks at Shira as well. Then they look at each other. Jennifer crosses her arms and goes, “Hmm.” To the class, she says, “I guess class is over.” The students start to leave.
When the cops arrive at the empty classroom, the killer is still writhing in pain on the floor, hands clutching his crushed groin.
study room. Harumi wants to brush up on her English. She believes Shira, who is fluent in Japanese, can help her. But right now she’s distracted by unrelated issues. “I still no believe you sleep with Leila...”
“Hey, she desperately needed someone, and I wanted to be there for her.”
“What about Jen-chan?”
“She would have done the same thing.”
“You no love her?”
Shira sighs. “Oh yeah, you’re the original ‘Shiffer’ ’shipper...” She sweeps Harumi up into a hug; Harumi squeaks. “You keep forgetting, dear Haru-chan. I’m polyamorous... Wait a minute — you’ve been writing fics, haven’t you.”
Harumi blushes and grins nervously.
library. Jennifer walks in just as Debbie shakes her phone and screams, “Aaaahhhh! ohmygod! Stop it! End game! End game!” The librarians go “Shhhh!”
“How did she know I play Flandre?”
A mischievous smile forms on Jennifer’s face. “You know, like, she knows all the Touhou Online fan programmers? In fact, she’s one of ’em.”
Debbie’s face turns several colors in succession. “That’s why she can summon a Meowth?”
Several gasps around them, followed by giggles. They look around to find several girls grinning evilly as they frantically thumb their phone keyboards. Jennifer glares at them. “Debbie, let’s go.” They hasten out, leaving the fangirls to their fics.
classroom. Attendance has been declining for years, so some classrooms stay empty. Shira takes the desk in one of them. Sitting across, Mimi and Nancy. Their minds are not on their subject... whatever it was. “You two look distracted.”
Mimi looks stunned. “You’re kissing Leila Shelley?”
Nancy looks delirious. “You stole her from Debbie. You stole her.”
Shira looks them over carefully. “You sure you want me to help you with history?”
“She wrote a fanfic,” says Mimi.
Nancy grins proudly. “Aya staked Shana and made Ebony her eternal love slave.”
Shira stares at them with wide eyes. “Uhh... Ebony... Way?”
The two girls answer together, “Way!”
She bangs her head on the desk.
lockers. Lady Penner envies Jennifer. Her mother is a failed gold digger who married Navy. Jennifer is the daughter of two scientists, one a Rocker. But today Navy outranks Science and Rock. The freshman class president gloats. “I say no moral lady woulda pulled a stunt like you did.”
“I’m no lady, Lady,” says Jennifer. Shira arrives at just that moment.
“I’m gonna marry a billionaire. You’ll be lucky if you even get married at all.” Shira rolls her eyes.
“I’ve got my own life. Why should I give it up for some guy?”
Lady gasps. “Well, I say!”
Jennifer clamps her hands together in front of her chin, imitates Lady’s gasp, and says in an even more florid aristocratic Southern accent, “Well, what do you say?” Several kids in the growing crowd laugh.
“Are you two makin’ fun o’ me?”
Together, Shira and Jennifer say, “Yes.”
“You people are actin” like peasants!” Lady turns her head with delicate contempt. “A lady keeps her distance.”
“You know we don’t have a ladylike bone in our bodies, Lady Lady,” says Shira. Several kids giggle.
Jennifer flicks an ornamental Chinese fan out of her locker, puts the back of her hand to her forehead, and falls back sighing into Shira’s arms, pretending to faint. Then she opens the fan and fans herself delicately. Shira stands her back up.
“That’s not funny, Jennifer!” protests Lady. “Stop that this instant!”
Jennifer mock swoons again, this time for the crowd; their titters grow into laughs. Angrily, Lady turns from them and flounces her way down the hall. The helplessly laughing students part to let her leave.
arena. The lights are low except on the fighting ring in the center. Half the student body crowd the stands to watch Shira and Debbie fight. Cocky Debbie’s kickboxing trunks, sports bra, and ring boots are all revolutionary red to match the standard-issue gloves and pads. Shira wears black boots and teal tights and sports bra; she watches Debbie warily. They take their positions. The bell sounds.
Debbie rushes over to attempt a quick knockout. Shira slides into a perfect leg takedown; suddenly Debbie finds herself on the mat, rolled over, helplessly cradled into a pin as the referee pounds the three-count and the bell rings to give Shira the victory and make her fans squee. She sits up and sees the ref hold up Shira’s arm. Shira comes over, pats her on the back, and says, “Girl, you need to work on your mat skills.”
“You shut up,” Debbie growls.
principal’s office. “Angie, I need your help ” Shira speaks on her phone as Falconer glares down.
“I was already on my way, cousin mine,” Angela replies. “Turns out your so-called friends are attracting some real trouble.”
“Get off that phone before I jam it!” barks Falconer.
Shira breaks the call. “Too late, Major. My lawyer wants to have another word with you, and she’s already on her way.”
With a mix of malice and nervousness, the Principal says, “You have become a major nuisance, Miss Thomas. We request that you stop this foolishness, or we will have to take legal action against you-”
Suddenly, a MIB bursts in and points a pistol right at Shira’s head. “Rebel Styles is mine!” yells R.A. Leggett.
Principal and Falconer stare at him. “Rebel Styles?”
Shira turns around and smirks at Leggett contemptuously. “And you must be the IP Defender. Acting on rumors again?”
Leggett twitches. “This time we’ve caught you red-handed raping our Intellectual Property, Styles. Prepare for justice!”
Angela whips out her gun, cocks it, and puts it to Leggett’s head. “Well, IP Defender, we caught you planting evidence. You’re completely irrational. Lay off, or all the judges your bosses’ billions can buy won’t be able to give you a favorable ruling. Sorry.”
Shira says, “Deal with it later, please. Weren’t you a non-celebrity? You’re causing a scene.”
Leggett stares at Shira. His gun hand twitches, then drops. He turns around to face Angela. He opens his mouth to say something, but decides not to. He rushes out of the office.
“What was that about?” asks Angela.
Shira stares narrow-eyed in Leggett’s direction. “Apparently somebody in the MIAA thinks I’m someone I’m not.”
lunch. Shira eats her bento lunch peacefully between her cousins Jennifer and Karen in the cafeteria when Charmian sneaks up from behind and painfully squeezes her shoulder. “Ow! What the hell—” Shira looks back, sees Charmian, stands up to confront her. “State your business.”
“Why are you openly flirting with girls? You know that’s against all moral principles.”
Shira lets out a long extended gasp, stoops slightly, throws her head back and slaps her forehead. “I am pale, Charmian!”
Shira quickly slips behind Charmian, glomps her hard from behind and makes her squeak, nuzzles her neck. “Jealous much, Charms darling? You know you love me.”
Charmian screams. Shira laughs. All eyes turn toward them.
hallway. On the way to fourth period, Shira and Jennifer find Team Valiant bullying Steve Clare. Jennifer keeps her distance as Shira sneaks up behind Bart. None of the bullies notice, not even Bart—until she yells:
“Stop raping him, you fag rapers!”
The fighters all turn around, shocked at the insult. Two of them gasp. Bart demands: “What the hell did you call us?”
Shira stares at them accusingly. “Terrorists.”
Bart roars, “Is this a Challenge?”
“Damn straight. I’m putting my friend under Team Bremelo’s protection and calling Gang Rules.”
Beck begs, ”Bart, you can’t let her Gang Rule us!”
“Let him go, Skeever.” barks Bart.
His goons gasp in unison, “What?”
“I said, let that bitch-ass faggot go!”
Shira and Jennifer gather up the school materials the bullies scattered around the hallway and help Steve stuff them into his backpack. He leaves with Jennifer. The bullies don’t chase him down. They would lose face for running away from a Challenge.
Bart turns to Shira. “There. Satisfied? Now you’re gonna have to earn your Team’s right to exist by yourself.”
“I’ll earn it,” says Shira. “But if you’re not joining in, you better stand back.”
“Very well. I think I’m gonna watch.” He backs up and stands with the gathering crowd. He does not notice Brandi watching them from a niche down the hall.
Five fighters throw themselves at Shira. Second-ranked Beck takes center position directly in front of Shira; number three Rex and number four Lance position themselves on his right and left sides; number five John Paine and number six Scott Waters take the outside positions.
Beck leads from the middle. Shira slips between him and Rex to his left. Suddenly they find nobody in front of them. They look around in confusion before they realize she’s behind them, crossing her arms, looking at them contemptuously. “No wonder you guys lost.”
Bart simply watches. The crowd stand back and remain silent.
Beck, outraged, points and shakes his finger at Shira. “You ain’t pullin’ none of your stupid tricks on us, bitch!” The other four rush her. She dances around them. Scotty throws a nasty uppercut and Shira pulls Beck into his fist. Lance throws a right hook and Shira pushes Rex into it. She jumps up and double kicks Lance and Johnny in the face, sending them falling backwards. The four get up and violently shake their heads till coherence returns to their minds.
Beck jabs at Shira’s sternum; she dodges and parries. He grabs her upper right arm; she punches him in the shoulder. They trade a series of kicks and blocks back and forth. Rex grabs Shira from behind; she uses him as leverage for a double stomp kick into Beck’s chest, sending him back. She puts her feet hard on the ground and uses the momentum to throw Rex while he’s still holding her, landing on top of him.
Lance high-kicks at Shira’s face; she drops low, hooks his ankle with her foot, and draws her leg back, tripping him. John and Scotty attack her from both sides; she slams their heads into each other, knocking them out. Two down. She roundhouse-kicks Lance: three down.
Knowing he can’t kick Shira, Rex jabs at her throat. She catches his arm, knees him in the groin, and kicks him in the chin; he stumbles backwards till he hits a wall. Beck thrusts and jabs, Shira dodges and weaves; he tries several different kinds of kicks, but she blocks them all. In frustration, he roars and runs at her, trying to ram her with his head. She spins and kicks, landing a perfect blow on his jaw. He spins around and lands with a thud. Beck, dizzy with pain, drops to one knee and holds up his hands: the Tournament gesture of surrender.
Bart still watches, his grim expression unchanged. Shira walks over to him. “Well, Bart?” she says. “Have I earned my Team’s right?”
For an endless moment, Bart says nothing. Finally he says: “Yes. You’ve earned your Team’s right.”
“That’s all I wanted. Thanks.” The crowd of students cheer howl and whistle, then scatter to tell their friends.
“No thanks to you!” yells Bart. “So the Tournament can’t stop you. But Jesus America will!”
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Copyright © 2012 Dennis Jernberg. Some rights reserved.
[Revision 4 Final, 8/20/12: Replotted and expanded.]